Laughter Is Good For The Soul
I got these jokes from various people throughout
the last few months. If
any are copyrighted
please let me know and I will remove it
immediatly..
This is one we used to say all the time back
in high school, and I
won't say how long ago
that was!!!!*smile*
The height of
concete:-------An ant floating down
a river on his back
yelling---->
RAISE THE DRAWBRIDGE!!!!
Oh come on it isn't that
corny!!!
Dentist
Mr. and Mrs. Smith entered the dentist's
office.
Mrs. Smith said, "I want a tooth pulled.
I don't want gas or
Novocain because
I'm in a terrible hurry.
Just pull the tooth as quickly
as possible.
You're a brave woman said the dentist.
Now, Show me which
tooth it is.
Mrs. Smith turned to her husband.Open your
mouth and show the
dentist which tooth it is, dear.
COMMOTION
Two men were riding on a motorcycle. The
one
on the back kept on complaining about being cold.
The driver stopped
and told him to put
his leather jacket on backwards to break the wind.
He
changed his coat and they started out again.
The motorcycle hit a rough spot
in
the road and the man on the back fell off.
When the driver noticed his
friend had disappeared,
he went back to find him.
A big crowd had gathered
around the man
at the side of the road. The driver pushed
his way through
the crowd. "is he hurt?" he asked.
"I don't know," a man scratched his
head,
"he didn't seem to be in much trouble,
but we turned his head around
the way
it belonged and he hasn't spoken a word since!
On a bus one evening a woman
was bothering
the driver every few minutes, reminding him where
she wanted
to get off. "How will I know when
we get to my street?" she asked. He
couldn't resist
replying, "By the big smile on my face, lady."
MANNERS
Two cars met headon on a narrow, one-way
bridge.
Screening to a halt, one irate driver stuck his
head out the
window and shouted,
"I don't back up for idiots!"
Calmly putting his car
in reverse,
the other motorist replied, "I do."
Minister
A youth minister was at the circus,
asking
about the performers faith. "I have faith
in you to do your
dangerous work,"
said he. "You must have faith in God."
The tightrope
walker asked, from high
up in the tent, "Do you have faith in me
to walk
this rope?" "Yes."
said the youth minister. "Do you think I can
push this
wheelbarrow as I walk across the tent
on this high rope? "Yes, even
that.
I believe in you." "Then climb up here,
sir, and ride across in the
wheelbarrow!
"Dad,
can you write in the dark?"
"Of course, son. What do you want me to
write?"
"Your name on my report card."
MEMORY
An old blacksmith relized he was soon going
to
quit working so hard. He picked
out a strong young man to become
his
apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting.
"Don't ask me a
lot of questions," he told the boy.
"Just do whatever I tell you to
do."
One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of
the forge and laid it
on the anvil.
"Get the hammer over there," he said.
"When I nod my head,
hit it real good
and hard." Now the town is looking
for a new
blacksmith.
One
blistering, hot day when guests were
present for dinner, a mother asked her
four
year old son to say the blessing.
"But, Mother, I don't know what to
say,"
he protested. "Just say what you've heard me say,"
she told him.
Obediently, he bowed his head and
said,"Oh, Lord, why did I invite
those
people here on a hot day like
this?"
For
My Irish Friends,Bernie,Danny,Sonny and Elizabeth.
A man
stumbles up to the only other
patron in the bar and asks if he
could buy
him a drink. "Why of
course," comes the reply.
The first man then
asks,
"Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the
second man.
The first man responds,
"You don't say. I'm from Ireland
too!
Let's
have another round to Ireland!"
"Of course," replies the second man,
and
they both pour back their drinks.
Curious, the first man then asks,
"Where
in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't
believe it
says the first man.
"I'm from Dublin too! Let's have
another drink to
Dublin!"
The men both continue drinking. Curiosity
strikes again and the
first man asks,
"What school did you go to?"
"St Mary's," replied the
second man.
"I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable," the first man
says.
"I went to St. Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"
About that time,
in comes one of the regulars
and sits down at the bar. "What's been
goin
on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much,"
replies the bartender. "The
O'Mallely
twins are drunk again."
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