A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin.
These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of
testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for
the position. After sending some applicants through the background
checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to
2 men and a woman, but only one position was available. The day came for the
final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The
CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and
handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no
matter what the circumstances", they explained. "Inside this room, you will
find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man got a
shocked look on his face and said "You can't be Serious! I could never
shoot my own wife! well", says the CIA man,"you're definitely not the
right man for this job then." So they bring the second man to the same door
and hand him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no
matter what the circumstances", they explained to the second man. "Inside
you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her. "The
second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in
the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes, then the door opened. The
man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her, I
just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right
man for the job." "No" the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it
takes. Take your wife and go home." Now they're down to the woman left to
test. Again they lead her to the same door to the same room and hand her
the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter
what the circumstances, this is your final test. Inside you will find your
husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the
gun and opened the door. Once the door closed, the CIA heard the gun
start firing. One shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose
in the room. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went
on for several minutes, then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and
there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You
guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat the SOB to
death with the chair!"
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was and will
always be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with. If
it just sits in your living room, messes with your stuff, eats your food,
uses your telephone, takes your money and never appears to know that it has
been set free in the first place, You either married it or gave birth to
it!!
In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the
middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the
delivery. To keep the nervous father-to-be- busy, the doctor handed him a
lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing?"
Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there Scotty!" said
the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's
yet another wee one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had
delivered a baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting
down that lantern...It seems there's yet another one in there!" cried the
doctor. Mr. Stewart scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the
doctor. "Do you think it's the light that's attractin' em?"
A teacher wanted to give his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of
liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a
glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe closely the worms,"
said the teacher putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water
writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put
into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the
bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this
experiment?" the teacher asked. Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised
his hand. "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."