This is a subject that unfortunately has become very
real for me.
I hope these two pages will help you in this
I miss my loved ones more than you can
a man was walking along the beach when he noticed a figure in the
As he got closer he realized the figure was that of a
picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean.
Approaching the boy, he asked," What are you doing?"
youth replied, "Throwing starfish in the ocean.
The sun is up
and the tide is going out.
If I don't throw them in, they will
"Son", the man said, "Don't you realize there
miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish?
can't possibly make a difference!"
After listening politely,
the boy bent down,
picked up another starfish, and threw it into
Then smiling at the man, he said, "I made a
difference for that one!"
Believe me my
friend----You make a difference too!!!!
The power of
Is seen from afar
The wings of a dove
Gentleness guide you
To love that is near
Never a fear
For He is beside you
of His Might
With infinite mercy
So bright is His
Fly with compassion
His wings holding me
His Heart I can see
Sing to the heavens
love we will send
Voices we lift up
His sacred Amen
down before Him
With heart filled with pride
With wings that preside.
~ Francine Pucillo ~
poem aboveİused with permission
To the world you might be one person,
But, to one person,
you just might be the world.
Living With Dying, Help for the
Accompanying a loved one to the edge of physical
life is stressful, painful and yet perhaps one of the most rewarding
adventures someone may ever have.
It is a privilege to enter the
most intimate moments of another's existence.
There are however
basics that they should follow that will build a solid foundation
for caregiving and help to keep their strength throughout the
-Build a support system: A support group of
caregivers or a group of friends or
family is essential. No one
should go through this experience alone.
-Allow time for
solitude: Time alone to regroup helps prepare for more
-Meditate daily: Meditation will help keep you
physically healthy, mentally alert,
and spiritually in tune. You
may try using prerecorded meditative exercises.
sense of humor: Humor helps heal the spirit and correct
perspectives. Laughter increases circulation, stimulates
release(which helps relieve physical and emotional
pain), and improves
immunity. You might ask a friend to pick up a
funny movie or keep a joke book handy.
Mentally and physically connecting with nature
will help to keep
you centered. Regular exercise rejuvenates the body,
cardiovascular health, and reduces stress.
interests: You should make time for play, creativity, and
-Keep a Journal: Sudies show that people who write
in a journal every
day, even for 10 minutes, have a healthier
immune system. Express your
deepest feelings in your journal, do
not just chronicle the day's events.
If you are worried about
privacy, you could write on loose paper and discard
years from now, you may be glad to have this record.
deeply: Occasional deep breathing helps reduce stress; a
deep enough to stretch out the diaphram signals the body
You may want to mentally scan your body for pockets of
pain while breathing deeply.
-Eat well: Good
nutrition and staying hydrated will keep your body going.
64 ounces of water a day. If not tap water than distilled or
-Find ways to be touched: Hugs are theraputic
for most people. You may want to
consider making time for an
occasional massage or other touch-therapy treatment.
the spirit: A caregiver may find that reading the serenity
helps them focus on themselves and their own wellbeing
during a loved one's
dying time. Whatever method you choose to
nourish your spirit, do it often.
Letting Go of
Guilt is almost a universal part of caregiving and of
Guilt is sometimes described as anger
people think they don't have a right to have.
Whatever guilt is,
it doesn't feel very good. In fact, it's a totally
You may feel guilty for having to go to work, or
leave for a few hours to get a
haircut, or go grocery shopping,
or simply taking a break.
You may feel guilty for resenting all
the time you spend giving care, the lost sleep,
and the physical
You may feel guilty for your anger or revulsion at
the sights, sounds,
and smells of illness, or for wishing that
the loved one would die.
The caregiver may feel to blame for
the loved one's illness. For example,
they may have been the
smoker who created second hand smoke. They may believe
should be the one dying because the loved one is a better
or younger, or more religious, or any number of real or
These sources of guilt may reflect an
effort to make sense of something they
may never understand-the
loss of a loved one.
If these feeling become overwhelming and
cannot be reasoned out, then counseling
may be the appropriate
avenue to follow. The caregiver needs to find compassion
themselves and keep themselves mentally
Anger is a normal and
healthy emotion that is also part of anticipatory grieving.
can be assured that anger at God, the physicions and nurses, your
or those of the loved one is normal.
one may not fit the movie image of a
quiet and grateful person
dying without fanfare.
They may exhibit new personality traits
that the caregiver doesn't particularly
like. They may become
selfish, raging, demanding, and possessive. They may be
and rude or say hurtful things.
Whatever the cause, your
anger is real and it can feel overwhelming. You may be unaware of
the anger or deny it, especially if you feel guilty expressing
Not expressing anger can weaken your immune system and
Outlets for anger can include talking with a
friend or the nurse, writing about
the anger, or screaming while
beating pillows and crying(preferably out of the
hearing). Exercise is another good way to release the anxiety and
and tension associated with anger. Remember that the illness has
changes in your loved one's
Follow the link below to page two of Living
April, Joan Furman.
Good Shepard Hospice of Polk County
The page below, There
You'll Be, is dedicated to a beloved friend,
it is long loading
due to the song by Faith Hill, but I don't think you will be
disappointed if you take the