Hello
and Welcome This is a subject that unfortunately has become very
real for me. I hope these two pages will help you in this
terrible struggle. I miss my loved ones more than you can
imagine! Much Love, Sharon
The Starfish
One day
a man was walking along the beach when he noticed a figure in the
distance. As he got closer he realized the figure was that of a
boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean.
Approaching the boy, he asked," What are you doing?"
The
youth replied, "Throwing starfish in the ocean. The sun is up
and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they will
die."
"Son", the man said, "Don't you realize there
are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish? You
can't possibly make a difference!"
After listening politely,
the boy bent down, picked up another starfish, and threw it into
the surf.
Then smiling at the man, he said, "I made a
difference for that one!" unknown
Believe me my
friend----You make a difference too!!!!
The power of
love Is seen from afar The wings of a dove Wherever you
are
Gentleness guide you To love that is near Hold and
protect you Never a fear
For He is beside you With all
of His Might With infinite mercy So bright is His
Light
Fly with compassion His wings holding me Softness
and beauty His Heart I can see
Sing to the heavens With
love we will send Voices we lift up His sacred Amen
Bow
down before Him With heart filled with pride His Trinity
Blesses With wings that preside.
~~~~~~~~~~
~ Francine Pucillo ~ poem aboveİused with permission
To the world you might be one person, But, to one person,
you just might be the world.
Living With Dying, Help for the
Caregiver
Accompanying a loved one to the edge of physical
life is stressful, painful and yet perhaps one of the most rewarding
adventures someone may ever have. It is a privilege to enter the
most intimate moments of another's existence. There are however
basics that they should follow that will build a solid foundation
for caregiving and help to keep their strength throughout the
experience.
-Build a support system: A support group of
caregivers or a group of friends or family is essential. No one
should go through this experience alone.
-Allow time for
solitude: Time alone to regroup helps prepare for more
caregiving.
-Meditate daily: Meditation will help keep you
physically healthy, mentally alert, and spiritually in tune. You
may try using prerecorded meditative exercises.
-Keep your
sense of humor: Humor helps heal the spirit and correct distorted
perspectives. Laughter increases circulation, stimulates
endorphin release(which helps relieve physical and emotional
pain), and improves immunity. You might ask a friend to pick up a
funny movie or keep a joke book handy.
-Exercise outdoors:
Mentally and physically connecting with nature will help to keep
you centered. Regular exercise rejuvenates the body, promotes
cardiovascular health, and reduces stress.
-Maintain regular
interests: You should make time for play, creativity, and
hobbies.
-Keep a Journal: Sudies show that people who write
in a journal every day, even for 10 minutes, have a healthier
immune system. Express your deepest feelings in your journal, do
not just chronicle the day's events. If you are worried about
privacy, you could write on loose paper and discard it. But,
years from now, you may be glad to have this record.
-Breath
deeply: Occasional deep breathing helps reduce stress; a
breath deep enough to stretch out the diaphram signals the body
to relax. You may want to mentally scan your body for pockets of
tension or pain while breathing deeply.
-Eat well: Good
nutrition and staying hydrated will keep your body going. Drink
64 ounces of water a day. If not tap water than distilled or
purified water.
-Find ways to be touched: Hugs are theraputic
for most people. You may want to consider making time for an
occasional massage or other touch-therapy treatment.
-Nourish
the spirit: A caregiver may find that reading the serenity
prayer helps them focus on themselves and their own wellbeing
during a loved one's dying time. Whatever method you choose to
nourish your spirit, do it often.
Letting Go of
Guilt
Guilt is almost a universal part of caregiving and of
anticipatory grieving. Guilt is sometimes described as anger
people think they don't have a right to have. Whatever guilt is,
it doesn't feel very good. In fact, it's a totally unproductive
emotion.
You may feel guilty for having to go to work, or
leave for a few hours to get a haircut, or go grocery shopping,
or simply taking a break. You may feel guilty for resenting all
the time you spend giving care, the lost sleep, and the physical
exhaustion. You may feel guilty for your anger or revulsion at
the sights, sounds, and smells of illness, or for wishing that
the loved one would die.
The caregiver may feel to blame for
the loved one's illness. For example, they may have been the
smoker who created second hand smoke. They may believe that they
should be the one dying because the loved one is a better
person, or younger, or more religious, or any number of real or
imagined virtues.
These sources of guilt may reflect an
effort to make sense of something they may never understand-the
loss of a loved one.
If these feeling become overwhelming and
cannot be reasoned out, then counseling may be the appropriate
avenue to follow. The caregiver needs to find compassion for
themselves and keep themselves mentally
healthy.
Adressing Anger
Anger is a normal and
healthy emotion that is also part of anticipatory grieving. You
can be assured that anger at God, the physicions and nurses, your
circumstances, or those of the loved one is normal. The loved
one may not fit the movie image of a quiet and grateful person
dying without fanfare. They may exhibit new personality traits
that the caregiver doesn't particularly like. They may become
selfish, raging, demanding, and possessive. They may be withdrawn
and rude or say hurtful things.
Whatever the cause, your
anger is real and it can feel overwhelming. You may be unaware of
the anger or deny it, especially if you feel guilty expressing
anger. Not expressing anger can weaken your immune system and
general health. Outlets for anger can include talking with a
friend or the nurse, writing about the anger, or screaming while
beating pillows and crying(preferably out of the sick person's
hearing). Exercise is another good way to release the anxiety and
and tension associated with anger. Remember that the illness has
caused the changes in your loved one's
behavior.
Follow the link below to page two of Living
With Dying.
Reference: Nursing 2001,
April, Joan Furman. Good Shepard Hospice of Polk County
The page below, There
You'll Be, is dedicated to a beloved friend, it is long loading
due to the song by Faith Hill, but I don't think you will be
disappointed if you take the
time.
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